Brainstorming about reporting and preventing sexual assault/abuse within BJJ community
1 year(s) ago • 2886 views • 78 replies
Hello everyone! Hope u r all doing great and kicking your bjj skills to another level. I want to ask your opinion how we can fight the sexual harassment in BJJ community. I personally faced it in Brazil when a coach made physical inappropriate movements to me. I reported to the owner of the school via instagram and another head coach of the network from another country. No answer, no reaction, nothing. This guy still coaching, he has some females in the school (adults, teens and kids). Also I faced the situation when the coach thinks it's okay to approach me and to ask u out on a date or make dirty sex related jokes with me involved. I left the school and shared info with girls I was close to. I almost left bjj bc of those cases. I don't feel safe anymore even though I came seeking self defense and destruction from my life challenges. And u know what bothers me, that when I speak with someone about this problem their reaction - tolerance bc I wasn't raped. Only tips most of ppl give me: "watch out" "choose a partners who u roll with" "change the school" "try not to be nice to everyone" "are u sure it was inappropriate touch bc it's contact sport, remember it" Another thing I see as a cause of tolerance for this problem is that not many ppl speak up. It's hard to speak about such things in general. U need to feel safe, supported and understood. Most sexual abuses create traumas and survivors tend to blame themselves, be ashamed and it makes it so hard to speak about it. What I think might help here: - transparent procedures to report about such things in main federations, BJJ networks - awareness about such procedures - for bjj practitioners whom committed a crime (rape, or attempt to rape, sexual assault to under age, etc.) create a register with federations support involved Summarizing all that, I would say that lack of transparency, impunity for those who do criminal or inappropriate things help them to keep going with their dark business. We need to do something about it bc even most of u not female ppl but u might have daughters, sisters and relatives, wives, friends who might be doing bjj and face it. For female representatives here I would say that it's important to stay for ourselves and other females as well. Would love to hear from you guys what's in your heads and what you can suggest to kick off this problem. |
Well, if you spoke up and the owner/head coach was unresponsive your next step is to leave the school and report the harassment to the authorities so that person may eventually be registered as sex offender. Reporting harassment should be done in any case, but if the owner/head coach are responsive and can gather corroborating reports I guess it will help make your report more robust. There may be different standards for what constitutes inappropriate touching, but I don't think there is that much latitude for "reasonable doubt", so if you find yourself second guessing just try to talk to your female colleagues and see if they have experienced similar facts (and how they've interpreted them), then if there's agreement in both fact and interpretation you should try to get them to join you in speaking up to the owner, reporting to the authorities and exposing the people involved (if they have been found guilty and are still trying to pass in between the crack). I think the federations and schools simply have to access the sexual offenders registry and shun those people, so the effort should be in getting them to do that instead of creating parallel reporting procedures and registers. Then again, I am a male and I can't properly access the female experience, so if this sounded callous I did not meant it. |
Unfortunately, it’s not just BJJ, it happens in all industries, and all professions all over the world. I would say it’s much less regulated in BJJ. And martial arts in general. I’ve seen it happen over and over in martial arts throughout my life. I always get involved, but I don’t see an end in sight. As long as the world turns, I think we’ll have this problem. Stay strong, keep telling people it’s not appreciated, ethical, or professional. The only way to make progress is taking down one person at a time. I might be wrong, but I would put his / her name out here. |
In this global community, I'd imagine the differences are quite large all the way from the way you relate to and interact with the opposite sex on a daily basis. I didn't see any sexual harassments when I was in Brazil, but I noticed the sexes were much more seperated in friendships etc. than here in Sweden and the level of "lockerroom talk" was through the roof at times. I can imagine that increases the risks of sexual harassments and for those around not to handle such in a good way. There still has been an initiative in Sweden within BJJ to counter those kinds of behaviours and to bring them to the surface and talk about it, so it can obviously be a problem here as well, in a country which claims to be one of the most equal in the world between the sexes. Within Karate in Sweden, there has also been reports of e.g. a child molesting instructor, who wasn't suspended even though the chairman of the academy knew about the charges. So even in this society, it can happen and with the wrong leadership, it can turn very nasty. We all (men as well) need to be clear and open with our expectations and where we stand, including with those with a senior position, so it doesn't as easily become an integrated part of the system itself. Individuals acting on their own can do bad things too, but it gets much more difficult to handle when they feel support from peers in continuing doing what they're doing. And those on the receiving end of wrongdoings feel no such support. |
Valentina, I’m very sorry to hear about your experiences. Thank you for having the courage to come forward about this problem. I’m an ethics professor, I’m one of the primary authors of my college’s sexual misconduct policy, I’m a self-defense instructor, and I have done a lot of work with women’s charities, so I agree that this is a very serious issue. I think there are two possible solutions to this problem: (1) The “top-down” approach: We need a centralized authority that can train instructors to avoid sexual misconduct and offer a reporting system so that victims can identify perpetrators and get justice. For example, USA Judo requires all black belt instructors to complete Safe Sport training and offers an online/telephone reporting system where victims can lodge complaints. BJJ doesn’t have this kind of organization at present, of course, so the second solution might be more viable… (2) The “bottom-up” or “grass-roots” approach: We can use social media to identify perpetrators. It might be best to do this anonymously to avoid reprisals, but negative online publicity can be disastrous for a business these days. It doesn’t take too many reviews on Google or Yelp saying “this guy sexually harassed me” before most women (and many men) refuse to train there. Often, one woman having the courage to come forward will encourage many others with similar experiences to do the same. Of course, I’m coming at this problem from a cultural and legal perspective that might not be applicable to your country, so forgive me if this is not appropriate. I hope that this discussion is helpful in some way. |
"USA Judo requires all black belt instructors to complete Safe Sport training and offers an online/telephone reporting system where victims can lodge complaints. BJJ doesn’t have this kind of organization at present, of course, so the second solution might be more viable…" If you certify with the IBJJF, they require you to go through a similar process, plus they require you to complete a background check, both of which are a good start. Safesport has failed us, time and again (e.g. https://www.theguardian.c[...]orts-abuse) but like I was saying... it's a good start. At the same time, gym owners really need to step up and do their part. I know it's tough to deal with certain predatory people who might otherwise be bringing in very good business for your gym, but it needs to happen. I know from first hand experience that in the moment it might be a tough call, and kicking out your first student/colleague is the toughest. But it needs to happen, and it gets much easier each time. |
am so sorry to hear about your experience. Unfortunately at many schools a woman might feel like she is entering a male locker room. We have several women training and I am up front with my students that I am not running a dating app. In class treat them like your sister or you are going to have to deal with her father (me), I have zero tolerance for this BS. I had an argument with a friend I drifted from who ran a school and seemed to view it as his personal pickup joint and the situation always turned into a disaster. I tried to tell him the problem is they start dating you as you are in a position of power and look at you a certain way the problem is they realize you are not the person they imagined and a chronic fuck up like everyone else. As to grooming and hurting children this breaks my heart and we as practitioners need to keep our eyes open and confront things when we get that feeling and not ignore it. Again sorry you experienced this but if you love training don't let a few bad apples ruin your journey keep trying and eventually you will find a place that feels like home (Edited 1 year(s) ago) |
My wife and I started training together and I have always kept an eye out for this. We have had a few predatory men at our gym and they have been removed. We've also had a few affiliates be kicked out of the association for similar behavior. That makes me feel good about how our gym is policing the situation. However, we've also had predatory females in the gym and for some reason that seems to be perfectly acceptable. I haven't figured that one out yet. One of the issues that is difficult to navigate is the subjectivity of what does and does not constitute sexual harassment. What one person looks at as nothing is another person's huge issue. For example: Man A has trained at a gym for years and never had any trouble with anyone at the gym. He has rolled with everyone there numerous times, including the women, and has had no complaints. BJJ, being a contact sport, does often result in casual contact between certain body parts. One day a new woman, we'll call her Woman B, joins the gym. She only rolls with the other women for a few weeks, but then branches out to the men. She rolls with Man A. In the natural course of the roll without any intent his hand brushes against her breast, making her uncomfortable even though there's no harm intended or done. After class she goes and tells the other women at the gym what happened and they all realize it's happened to them as well. Again, there was never any intent for it to happen with any of them. But now there are suddenly 5 women in a gym that have it in their head that Man A has assaulted them. As a gym owner, how do you handle that one? Another issue is that sexual harassment is often not illegal. It is a civil matter, not a criminal matter. If you feel you've been sexually harassed and call the police they are likely going to do absolutely nothing. Not even a report. What now? And at some point you've got to decide who the real problem is. Single people often do single people things. This includes dating. If a member of the gym asks someone out one time, they say no, and it's never mentioned again, has there been any foul committed? Apparently one person in our gym thinks so. Now she is gone and the man that asked her out is still there...and she probably tells everyone she was harassed everywhere she goes. I think there's something to be said for training people what to look for and how to behave. However, this gets out of hand quickly. One youth organization that I've worked with for about 30 years has gone overboard with this. We used to have a one page document that explained standards of behavior and was briefed when you signed up. Now we have a 30 page document that has to be retrained every few years by every single person in the organization. At this point it does more to train predators how to not get caught than it trains others to catch them. As a society we seem to have a misplaced fascination with behavioral training. No amount of training will stop someone from being a predator, nor will a lack of training turn someone into one. There's got to be a happy medium there somewhere, but it's closer to the one page document than the 30 page document. This is an important topic, but there's no simple solution. It's certainly not something I believe can be entrusted to any existing sanctioning body. (Edited 1 year(s) ago) |
"But now there are suddenly 5 women in a gym that have it in their head that Man A has assaulted them. As a gym owner, how do you handle that one?" I think that if 5 female grapplers, who have presumably all experienced dozens, hundreds, if not thousands of rolls, "have it in their head" that one male grappler in particular, even if "he has had no complaints", is groping them, then as a gym owner... I LISTEN TO MY STUDENTS, AND TAKE THIS CLAIM VERY SERIOUSLY. I'm not sure what any responsible human being does differently. Are you suggesting that there's some other course of action, besides listening to your students and respecting what they're telling you, that one would take?! |
"I think that if 5 female grapplers, who have presumably all experienced dozens, hundreds, if not thousands of rolls, 'have it in their head' that one male grappler in particular, even if 'he has had no complaints', is groping them, then as a gym owner... I LISTEN TO MY STUDENTS, AND TAKE THIS CLAIM VERY SERIOUSLY. I'm not sure what any responsible human being does differently. Are you suggesting that there's some other course of action, besides listening to your students and respecting what they're telling you, that one would take?!" I think you need to read it again. |
"I think you need to read it again." Nope. Maybe you should read what you wrote on this forum again, because I quoted exactly what you wrote. I will forever stand by my promise that if 5, or even one of my students, happens to complain, even in passing, or even if I believe that "in their heads", someone has groped them, then I will absolutely look into the matter. Hmm... I wonder why so few women out there are interested in bjj... |
"Nope. Maybe you should read what you wrote on this forum again, because I quoted exactly what you wrote. I will forever stand by my promise that if 5, or even one of my students, happens to complain, even in passing, or even if I believe that 'in their heads', someone has groped them, then I will absolutely look into the matter. Hmm... I wonder why so few women out there are interested in bjj..." You in no way quoted exactly what I wrote. You cherry picked what you wanted to respond to and pretended to be an all knowing black belt. For example, I said hand brushed against them and you changed it to groping. I also specifically stated that the hypothetical contact was unintentional, which you seem to have dismissed. But whatever. Hmm...I wonder why we even bother to have discussions on the internet... |
"You in no way quoted exactly what I wrote. You cherry picked what you wanted to respond to and pretended to be an all knowing black belt. For example, I said hand brushed against them and you changed it to groping. I also specifically stated that the hypothetical contact was unintentional, which you seem to have dismissed. But whatever. Hmm...I wonder why we even bother to have discussions on the internet..." You wrote about subjectivity, but a hand brush is not harassment nor assault in BJJ. The only way a hand brush would constitute sexual harassment would be if they felt like they had been groped instead. If you understand this point then I think you'll be able to understand Robert's. |
This is a hard one. Sexual harassment has no place in society, period. That said there are also people in this world that make false claims for whatever reason. I have witnessed them in my profession and in my personal life. At least in our gym there is a core of practitioners that have been with us for several years and have created an atmosohere where everyone knows what is acceptable and what is not. Women and men roll with each other without major incidents. From time to time there is a guy who use too much strenght against much lighter women. Good thing is that there are eyes everywhere and we notify that guy immediatly and usually they correct their ways. We even had a porn actress training with us and there was no problems with young testosterone filled guys 🤣. |
False reports of sexual misconduct are actually pretty rare (for example, see https://www.brown.edu/cam[...]lt-reports or https://www.nsvrc.org/pub[...]cute-non-s). I have a lot of experience with these types of investigations in a college setting, and we almost never have false sexual assault/harassment claims. Far more often, claims are not immediately reported because the victim fears they will be ostracized by the community for making an allegation. Investigations begin—but do not end—with allegations; it’s essential to get as much evidence as possible before taking action. BJJ Instructors do have to show due diligence in investigating sexual misconduct allegations to ensure they have all the facts before moving forward, but any report has to be taken seriously. I’d rather look into an allegation and find that there’s no corroborating evidence than choose not to investigate a claim and have the perpetrator go on to harm other victims (or hurt the same victim again). |
"Hello everyone! Hope u r all doing great and kicking your bjj skills to another level. I want to ask your opinion how we can fight the sexual harassment in BJJ community. I personally faced it in Brazil when a coach made physical inappropriate movements to me. I reported to the owner of the school via instagram and another head coach of the network from another country. No answer, no reaction, nothing. This guy still coaching, he has some females in the school (adults, teens and kids). Also I faced the situation when the coach thinks it's okay to approach me and to ask u out on a date or make dirty sex related jokes with me involved. I left the school and shared info with girls I was close to. I almost left bjj bc of those cases. I don't feel safe anymore even though I came seeking self defense and destruction from my life challenges. And u know what bothers me, that when I speak with someone about this problem their reaction - tolerance bc I wasn't raped. Only tips most of ppl give me: 'watch out' 'choose a partners who u roll with' 'change the school' 'try not to be nice to everyone' 'are u sure it was inappropriate touch bc it's contact sport, remember it' Another thing I see as a cause of tolerance for this problem is that not many ppl speak up. It's hard to speak about such things in general. U need to feel safe, supported and understood. Most sexual abuses create traumas and survivors tend to blame themselves, be ashamed and it makes it so hard to speak about it. What I think might help here: - transparent procedures to report about such things in main federations, BJJ networks - awareness about such procedures - for bjj practitioners whom committed a crime (rape, or attempt to rape, sexual assault to under age, etc.) create a register with federations support involved Summarizing all that, I would say that lack of transparency, impunity for those who do criminal or inappropriate things help them to keep going with their dark business. We need to do something about it bc even most of u not female ppl but u might have daughters, sisters and relatives, wives, friends who might be doing bjj and face it. For female representatives here I would say that it's important to stay for ourselves and other females as well. Would love to hear from you guys what's in your heads and what you can suggest to kick off this problem." While reading your message, I noticed a lot of similarities with what I experienced this past year. I hope that you found support and that now you are in a safe environment. |
"False reports of sexual misconduct are actually pretty rare " That claim is not supported by the actual data. By the FBI data: 2.8% of sexual assault accusations in the US have enough evidence to be prosecuted. By the FBI data, and various academic studies, 2% to 10% of sexual assault cases in the US are proven to be false. In the other 87% of cases, we have no way of knowing how many accusations are false, and how many are true. The rate of false sexual assault accusations is therefore likely to be much higher than 2% to 10%. And the rate of true sexual assault accusations is therefore likely to be much higher than 2.8%. But the rate of *proven false* sexual assault is technically seemingly higher than the rate of *proven true* sexual assault accusation. Not a popular fact right now, but nonetheless true. That does not mean, that the rate of false accusations is higher than the rate of true sexual assaults, merely that there are data gaps, where we cannot say, based on data, which are higher. And these cases, both true accusations, and false accusations, are devilishly difficult to investigate, and to prove, in either direction, in many cases. (Edited 1 month(s) ago) |
Conversely, over a 30 plus year practice as a grapple-fu coach, I would anecdotally report, that between 25% to 33% of the people that have come on my mats, males and females, have reported that before coming on to the mats, they were survivors of sexual assault. So, it's a problem.... And it is even worse, when people become targets of sexual assault, or sexual harassment, because they do come on mats. I discourage dating members of the gym, particularly by instructors. It causes problems for everybody, in many cases, and in my view, the dojo, is not the Disco. But grown adults, are grown adults, and there is that. And, every once in a while, people seem to find their long term relationship partner at the dojo, and it seems to work out for them. But, it usually presents as drama, for everyone else, and hassles for instructors, when the drama, and sometimes serious incidents, occur. And, then everybody needs to deal with those circuses, and those monkeys. (Edited 1 month(s) ago) |
Likewise, a good self-defense practice, for instructors and students, is never to be alone, with a person of the opposite sex, who is not family, at the dojo, or at an instructor's house, or at a student's house, etc. And certainly for classes, and activities, with minors, to NEVER have just one adult present. That is not "victim blaming", that is proper self-defense practice, and vigilance, and also Emily Post propriety. (Edited 1 month(s) ago) |
"Likewise, a good self-defense practice, for instructors and students, is never to be alone, with a person of the opposite sex, who is not family, at the dojo, or at an instructor's house, or at a student's house, etc. And certainly for classes, and activities, with minors, to NEVER have just one adult present. That is not 'victim blaming', that is proper self-defense practice, and vigilance, and also Emily Post propriety." This is such a good practice that it is a requirement for most youth organizations, and these days it isn't just with members of the opposite sex. Two-deep leadership at all times or you don't do it. And for BJJ purposes it's probably a good idea to never do a private lesson unless you are doing it at the gym while another group is there, but that may not be possible in every case. If it's not you need to have cameras recording what goes on. |
"Likewise, a good self-defense practice, for instructors and students, is never to be alone, with a person of the opposite sex, who is not family, at the dojo, or at an instructor's house, or at a student's house, etc. And certainly for classes, and activities, with minors, to NEVER have just one adult present. That is not 'victim blaming', that is proper self-defense practice, and vigilance, and also Emily Post propriety." After an incident a few years ago (or, to be precise, it was more a kind of a supposition) we decided to follow this simple rules in our gym, too. Not a shadow of any accusations since that days. |
To never be alone with someone of the opposite sex is not necessarily preventing sexual harassment in my opinion. There are cases of multiple perpetrators and sexual harassment can also happen with people of the same gender. I fell into the traps laid by business owners, promoting BJJ and BJJ as a self-defence practice... Eventually found myself in a similar situation of why I started BJJ in the first place. The very people that I thought were helping me turned my back by supporting the perpetrator because he won a bunch of medals and therefore good for the decoration of the gym and the business.. Reported an incident of domestic violence to the head coach of the gym, one active on beltchecker (whom is probably checking every message that I am posting) He let the perpetrator - a BJJ black belt teach and train as if nothing happened. Yes, I promote to Report this cases to authorities ( so hopefully they will get what they deserve) Yes, there should be more awareness towards the victims To the higher belts that are protecting the abusers: To help prevent this to happen again, do you think is smart to facilitate them? |
I have found that when I’m on a kayak, surrounded by alligators, and venomous snakes, even in places where if something went wrong, I would be hard to find and rescue, if I could even have been rescued and found at all, That I feel safer, and I feel more confident in my ability to perceive threats and assess their risk, Than when I am surrounded by people, meaning humans. At least you know what the deal is with an alligator, or a venomous snake. But humans, they are more like chimpanzees than Bonobo’s. Warlike, treacherous, and savage. Never turn your back on a chimpanzee, or a human. (Edited 1 month(s) ago) |
"Reported an incident of domestic violence to the head coach of the gym, one active on beltchecker (whom is probably checking every message that I am posting) He let the perpetrator - a BJJ black belt teach and train as if nothing happened. " Sarah, I am sorry that I have to say this: What you are saying is untrue. And you know that. True is, that you told me about domestic violence. You forget to mention, that your ex-partner claims your version of the story to be untrue. That there have been no witnesses or physical marks to support your version. Therefore, we have a statement versus statement situation. The claim that I “[…] let the perpetrator - a BJJ black belt teach and train as if nothing happened.” is a blatant lie. You lived, travelled and worked together with your ex for two more months after the reported incident. Then, when you mentioned for the first time that you felt unsafe around your ex-partner, the team immediately suspended him from training and teaching (with him still getting paid) until the matter is resolved. In doing so we went above and beyond the recommendations of the Safe Sports agency and the lawyers we spoke to. We hired a lawyer to help to form a commission to decide how the team should handle this difficult situation. I have asked you to provide a written report on the incident so that the commission has something to work with. That was on August 23, 2024. I have also reminded you several times, that without your report we would not be able start the commission. After more than three months of suspension and with you stalling the report we allowed your ex to teach again. Today, more than 6 months later, I still don’t have your written report. You know all this. I talked about this to you. You shared lots of information about this (usually taken out of context and distorted, if not outright untrue) on your social media and through other channels. And still you claim that I acted “as if nothing happened”. This statement is kept short, factual and, at least I hope so, quite nice. I refuse to abuse the Beltchecker forum to discuss this matter further. I am open to answer questions, provide proof and share more details through private channels. |
Domestic violence isn‘t necessary a sexual assault. And we are talking about ideas of reporting and preventing sexual assault/abuse (within BJJ community). So I can‘t see any reason to discuss this special case of alleged domestic violence in this thread. In my eyes it leads a bit OT and -indeed- with all the missing facts it is not suitable for beltchecker. Just my 50 cent (without beeing a mod…).🤷♂️ (Edited 1 month(s) ago) |
Often, whether it is sexual harassment or domestic violence, women don’t report, because of a justified fear for punishment / retribution. And we can see this play out in this thread. Sarah speaks out and gets punished. When coaches (no matter how well meaning!) cannot recognize abusive behaviors and coercive control, they are ill-equipped to guarantee safety and to keep their mats safe. For instance, statements like: ‘why didn’t she report this sooner? Or why didn’t she leave him immediately?’, shows this ignorance, because reporting / leaving an abusive relationship is the moment where the victim is the most in danger. On average, it takes up to 7 times to finally leave an abuser (if she lives that long). Another general question I’d like to raise to those in coaching positions is: are you OK with making an abuser (whether sexual or domestic) gets better at violence? In short, this thread wants to brainstorm about how to prevent and report sexual harassment / abuse in the BJJ community. The first step is recognizing where we may lack understanding on how abuse works, how it shows up on the mats and get educated. A book that you probably need to read in phases is the book from Lundy Bancroft: why does he do that? Bancroft is a counselor that works with violent people in his abuser rehabilitation programs. In this book he explains how you know whether such a program will be successful or not and also provides insight in how to spot abusive behaviors as well as safeguarding measures you can implement. |
"And we can see this play out in this thread. Sarah speaks out and gets punished." Sarah was not in any way “punished” on this thread. No one here has censored her, nor punished her for her statements, or claims. One of the parties she has made claims about, has also given their side of her story. That seems the minimum fairness to all parties, and to do otherwise, would not only be unfair, but in its way, would be a violation of due process to a party, where a serious accusation has been made. As a matter of fact, these forums, which have allowed both parties to present their respective sides, and concerns, has provided Sarah a platform to present her concerns. And, I think the posters here, are trying to treat the matter seriously, respectfully, and professionally. And that is not a little thing. (Edited 1 month(s) ago) |
"Often, whether it is sexual harassment or domestic violence, women don’t report, because of a justified fear for punishment / retribution." Also, fear of retribution for reporting sexual harassment, or domestic violence, and whistle blowing in general, is a concern shared by males and females, who are in those situations. |
